I have this gnawing feeling of bitterness at other people’s pleasure. At first I thought I was jealous and felt odd that I should experience this, so started to dig a little into the psychological encyclopaedia of Dr Google, only to realise that I am in fact envious, not jealous. Phew! Well, not really. It still doesn’t feel nice. A large proportion of my mates, both real and virtual (eeek, that makes me feel even more like a weirdo, that I do actually have virtual friends, ie. Online people that I can’t actually touch or hear or smell – and yes, I do that to all my real life friends just to ensure they are not apparitions) are at the Husky Long Course Triathlon festival this weekend and are spamming social media with the awesomeness of this event, and so rudely, having fun without me!!!
So, I am learning (after nearly 40 years) that perhaps the world may not actually revolve around me. I do live in the reality of every day mum life, however that doesn’t mean that I didn’t have illusions (or delusions?) of all fun things only happen when I am able to attend. Thanks for viciously bursting my bubble, my dear mates racing Husky. I think it comes as a bit of a stab to the heart as I really enjoyed the race last year (see last year’s race report), but had treated it as a training day for the Ironman event I was doing afterward and had made a little commitment to myself to go back and race this event for what it was worth as opposed to treating it with less respect. Plus, did I mention a heap of my friends are there racing, which makes for my ideal racing conditions…seeing people I know, forcing me to smile – no matter what, because I love seeing my mates out on course and their families on the sidelines supporting all of us like we were family too. Then, like an awkward knock to the funny bone, I realised that here-in lies the issue. Triathlon is a family affair, and I feel like I’ve missed the family reunion where we all get to celebrate being a member of this whacky heritage, whether it makes you laugh or cry, or both at the same time!
So my formula for getting over it, is to accept that I’m not being disowned by the family, rather I should be grateful for my own experiences. Looking back at the last few weeks, my real life family has been flat chat, so I am actually appreciating that I can kick back this weekend and soak up all the experiences of my tri family through their excessive spamming of the awesomeness of the event that I’m missing out on (ok, slight transgression there!). However, here are some things that I have been tri-grateful for in the last few weeks.
I’m a slow to average age group swimmer, but I refuse to give up hope that I can move to the upper echelons of my age group. I get easily bored and demotivated to do regular swim sets, so I decided to simply just swim more! It is a mash up of swimming where I can, and when I can, even if it’s a matter of getting my home made bondage apparatus on, tieing myself to the fence and whipping my own butt for 20 minutes in the backyard pool.
I say that I love to ride with other people, but deep down I think I’m firmly at the rudder of my own ship when it comes to the course I plot on the bike. I also like taking photos, so I feel too embarrassed to stop and play with pics when I’m with others. While I’m certain I miss out on some of the benefit of speedy group rides, I’m lucky that I enjoy the solo conversation of this sailor (mostly).
I’m really, really, really enjoying running at the moment. BUT, yes there is a big BUT…I can only sustain shorter runs. My heel is giving me some major dramas with a spiteful little dose of plantar fasciitis that seems to be more persistent than sea lice stuck in my cossies (yes, they are persistent…my poor boobs are covered in sea-lice hickeys, I’m such a lover!). I’m doing all the symptomatic relief I can manage (of my plantar fascia, not my boobs, well maybe my boobs too), but I’m not willing to do the prescribed cure…rest. So, while I maybe completely envious of my long course friends slogging away this weekend I know that my body just wouldn’t be able to cope with the training necessary for 20+ km training runs. The most appeasing attribute of running, especially shorter runs, is that they can literally be squeezed in anytime, anywhere, with or without people, across varying terrains and give me another reason to look at the beauty that surrounds me for optimal Instagram opportunities.
My real epiphany, or more so reminder, is that I love racing triathlons, of all distances, but the races that are most special are not determined by the result, rather those that I share the experience with! Therefore, for the mental health and piece-of-mind of ME, all my mates and their families are now required to attend any future event I participate in. Got it?! 😉 Seriously though, am I alone or do you get race envy too???
To those that are racing (without me, you rude buggers – yep still holding onto it) this weekend, best of luck. I truly hope you have amazing races, achieve what you have worked for and enjoy the family reunion without this crazy black sheep bizarrely grinning and yelling at you on course. Always trying my personal best (on this occasion, just to be a nicer person).